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‘How do I get my regular child to accept her sibling with Down Syndrome?

(By Teresita De Mesa 24.01.10)

QUESTION: “I have two children, the older has Down Syndrome and goes to a special school while the younger one goes to a regular school. My kids used to get along very well, until this year when the younger one turned seven years old. She started acting differently. Recently, she told me that she is thinking of not entering grade school because her classmates might tease her because of his sister. How do I explain to her the condition of her sister? How can I encourage her to go to school with being afraid of being teased? Thanks!

Teacher Tess says: Parenting a special child and a child without disability poses many challenges. Some of these challenges focus on the relationship between the siblings in the family.

Siblings of a child with a special needs expres a range of emotions and responses to that sibling, similar in most ways to the range of emotions experienced toward siblings who have no disability (Powell & Ogle, 1985). Children react toward a sibling with a disability with feelings of love, empathy, pride, guilt, anger, and support; the prevalence of these reactions have great impact on the levels of stress and coping ability of the sibling with a disability.

Your seven year old daughter is now experiencing ambivalent feelings about having a special sister. Her responses and feelings to her sister will be likely to change from time to time as she adapts and copes with day-to-day realities. She is dealing with emotions and feelings that she may not understand. Her behavior is totally normal and you may need some ideas on how to cope with it as she deals with all these emotions.

Here are some ways parents can help their typically developing children manage life with a brother or sister with special needs:

AT HOME: (Donald Meyer)

1. Provide siblings with clear and direct information about the disability affecting the child with special needs. Discuss age appropriate information about the disability and explain it in a language they can understand. When siblings of a special child have information and experiences unique to and separate from the care of their brother or sister, there can be many positive aspects for the family.

2. Consider the support of relatives. Siblings may spend time with other family members. Provide a designated time to enable everyone to air feelings, positive and negative and a way of talking about stresses as peers, reactions of public/classmates, extra responsibilities and other accommodations. Children should know it’s okay to ask questions and discussion should clarify any misinformation they have picked up.

3. Encourage each child to pursue own his/her own interests and give each one a special space for personal things.

4. Recognize each child’s unique strengths and accomplishments and make sure they develop friendships outside the family. If a child is concerned about how a friend might react to his sibling, role play some possible conversations and explanations.

5. Spend quality time with siblings on a regular basis. Siblings must know that they have a unique and special place in the lives and hearts of their parents even if their parents spend a great deal of time supporting the child with special needs. Be sure to give siblings plenty of opportunities to express their concerns, fears and other feelings.

6. Promote and reinforce the sibling’s unique strengths and contributions to the family. Siblings should be able to quickly and easily identify their own special qualities and their own special activities separate from the care of their brother or sister.

7. Be clear about the role of the siblings in relation to the child with special needs. While siblings may be asked to help care for the child with a disability occasionally, their most important role is being themselves and enjoying their own childhood.

8 . Teach your child that the family unit is a whole – all members contribute to make things work. Each person in the family is valued unconditionally. Every person is loved and appreciated for who he or she is. We are all partners in caring for each member of our team.

9. Counseling. If a child shows signs of anxiety or depression for more than a few weeks, professional help may be a good idea. Be alert to a sibling feeling hopeless or incompetent, worrying a lot, trying to act perfect having difficulty concentrating in school, or experiencing physical ailments.

Your child may need outside help just for him or her.

IN SCHOOL:

Schools can do much to support and encourage positive sibling interactions as well as acceptance of disabilities in all children. The teachers can help to uphold advocacy on sibling awareness and interaction by providing activities for sibling to learn about disabilities.

A sibling day or sibling workshop can be an impressive way of introducing siblings and regular students to a variety of disabilities. In my experience, it works that schools are parents’ partners too. Among the programs are:

1. PARENT’S SPEAKING FROM THE HEART. Parents are allowed talk to the regular students about their child’s disability and what their siblings feels and experience. The regular students develop a positive attitude towards special children and they become advocates on the rights of children with special needs.

Be an active partner of the school in its varied advocacy program and expose both your special daughter and your son in all the activities scheduled for the school-year.

Provide siblings with opportunities to meet other siblings of children with special needs. Visit the school, befriend and invite you son’s classmates to attend home gatherings and show them how a special child can be a joyful member of the family.

2. THE IMPORTANCE OF A SUPPORT SYSTEM. Finding a good support system can help you to go forward in your life and can better equip you to be a good parent in this situation.

3. SIBLING SUPPORT GROUPS. There are activities in the school where you can bring your child and let him observe how people and regular children help children with special needs. In February, Camp Pag-ibig for Special Children will be held at the Balara Filter Plant, as well as special Olympics and summer camps. Ask the school if they are participating in this annual activity and join them.

Education is vital. Becoming educated will help you to be a better help to your child and will guide you to make sure they get the best education and services necessary as well.

Spend time researching online for the educational information you seek. You may read “Views from Our Shoes: Growing Up with a Brother or Sister with Special Needs” by Donald J.Meyer.

Remember to take care of yourself.

Take time out to recharge and you can help your child if you are you are at your BEST! God bless!

Teresita De Mesa is registered professional educator with 35 years of teaching profession as a SPED and as regular classroom teacher. She is a full-time professor, teaching special education courses in the Special Education Department of the College of Education , Philippine Normal University and the Directress/Principal of St. John Ma. Vianney Special Education Learning And Resource Center . For questions on SPED, send e-mail to youth@mb.com.ph

Source: http://www.mb.com.ph/